As I was checking my social media last week ....
I came across an article addressing the toxic behaviors in Filipino and Filipino-American families and how it affects the younger generation. I know that whatever was discussed in this article is true with other cultures as well....
Last year, I was searching myself and wondering what was going on with my life as an artist and how does my artistry come up as I assess myself as an individual. I decided to do something as an outlet to express what I was feeling at that time. In collaboration with my friend, Jin Huang we filmed this short for two days.
This is a part of me that is exposed, a part of me that is vulnerable....
My feelings of worthlessness.... the moments when I second guess myself has stemmed up from my background. A lot of thoughts get to me - that my accent will prevent me from making it as an actor and a performer, my fluctuating weight, as I get older will be a hindrance for me to get cast again..... or that I am simply not good enough. I am not blaming my upbringing but I am recognizing the sources of all these negative feelings and how I respond to it, and that by realizing this.... it supports me to conquer it.... for me to heal.... and get on with life without being hindered by it...... And yes! I tried to fully take away my Filipino accent years ago and I thought why is it acceptable to have other accents on TV and media when there are millions of Filipinos in the US that talk like me? Regarding my changing weight - I have not been heavy but my age is catching up - I exercise and still do what I can to be healthy BECAUSE I want to be healthy. I am slowly getting over the thought of looking a certain way or being a certain way FOR others. I am now unapologetically myself. It is a process... and I believe that I can still bring authentic self to my performances, to my artistry......
By sending this to you, I hope that this will be therapeutic in a way for you (I do not know how....) as much as it is for me....
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